I’m a millennial. If you are reading this, chances are you are too.

So let’s discuss the complicated realities of dating and finding love as a millennial.

On this particular day, while scrolling through Instagram, I came across a page that talked about some of the reasons why dating as a millennial is difficult.

I found it interesting, so I further want to expand on it by adding my thoughts too.

1) The savage culture.

The fastest person to say the meanest statement wins. Always.

Showing emotions is often frowned on. We now live in a society where everyone wants to be seen as tough, strong, woke. Vulnerability is equated to as weakness, as both genders constantly keep scores on who they can hurt the most.

Educative yet safe conversations between two people are now rare, for there is the possibility the other person would give a deliberately hurtful response, just to expose you for the praises of the public. This has sadly created a cycle of hurt people going around hurting others as well.

I can’t say if this was a problem in previous generations, but it is in mine. This behaviour is greatly encouraged on social media platforms such as Twitter.

When vulnerability and emotions are stripped away, relationships become transactional, solely based on what one has to offer.

2)The quest for a “happily ever after”

Growing up, almost every child was introduced to the story of Cinderella.

You know the story, the girl mistreated by her evil stepmother, who with a stroke of luck meets a handsome prince that changes her life. She then lives happily ever after with him.

We see this story in diverse forms now, amplified through countless posts from celebrities and influencers, thus creating a desire for a world that doesn’t exist.

To achieve this, we write off people easily at the slightest flaw and then move on to what we hope would be the next best thing.

There is a clear difference between settling for what is outrightly wrong and having an understanding of the flaws in all of us.

With each year that passes in my generation, that line becomes blurred.

3)Ghosting and unclear intentions have been normalised.

Most millennials if not all, know the meaning of the term “situationship”.

This is used to describe a relationship like situation where both parties give the semblance of being in a committed relationship, but are not clear what they are doing. Almost everyone had been in a form of situationship.

Now the problem with this is, when one partner loses interest, they simply stop responding and walk away. No explanation given.

Leaving the other party with a range of emotions, such as anger, bitterness and feelings of inadequacy.

4). Calculative responses

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you just have a gut feeling that this person is pretending?

Odds are that you have.

There is an obsessive desire to say the right things, act in a certain way, be selective with what you respond to, how you respond and most importantly the timely intervals between each response.

A fast reply is believed to show desperation, play hard to get. A delayed response, you are arrogant, be kind.

Who makes these rules???

This leads to the routine of trying to match your words and actions to suit the unrealistic expectations of the person you are conversing with. Any crack in this routine, which would inevitably happen, leads to mockery.

This is extremely draining.

5) The “fiercely independent” syndrome.

Don’t get me wrong, this has its positive aspects, been alone is far more important than being in a toxic or abusive relationship.

However, the compulsive need for independence in every area is alarming. Or should I say to be seen as independent, ascribing various titles to anyone who identifies as been independent. It’s almost a taboo to say you need someone. Thereby removing the desire for compatibility amongst ourselves.

Sadly this has been tagged as being the definition of feminism.

We are fine on our own, so fine that won’t come out of our comfort zone for anyone.

These are my thoughts on why I think dating as a millennial is difficult.

I could be wrong, so kindly share your thoughts in the comment section below, let’s learn from each other.

Till next week❤️

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  1. With so many social norms going out the window , it’s definitely harder to date as a millennial. I’m still believe in dates and taking things slow . I’m just a romantic stuck in a hookup culture and it’s hard .

  2. You hit the nail on the head. I feel awful for my friends who are single because dating culture is so much more toxic now. It makes finding genuine, positive connections so hard.

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