Last week it was exposed that Derrick Jaxn has been cheating on his wife for a long time. If you do not know him, he is a self-proclaimed relationship guru/expert, whose YouTube videos are for women who want to get the ”right” man.
I was a subscriber of his Channel for a while and I watched several of his videos, so it was a shock honestly to find out that he was a cheater. Been a cheater isn’t necessarily the problem nor is it the reason why countless people are upset, but mainly because some of his videos were also about spotting a cheater with advice to not forgive one.
So finding out that not only is he married, (yes it was a fact he hid), but that has been cheating almost the length of his relationship with his wife. So if you watch the various reaction videos since the news broke, that is the focus of the backlash he has been getting.
Basically, he has been preaching what he wasn’t doing. So after a couple of days to get over my disappointment, I will be sharing 5 lessons this situation has taught me.
Filter what you hear. There are a lot of people who claim to be so knowledgeable. The Job of an influencer and motivational speaker increases every single day. Some share really helpful facts and but the majority don’t. The problem is that these speakers mix their false information with so many fluent English words, that it gives the illusion of being right.
Looking back, some of what Derrick Jaxn shared had elements of truth to it, let’s give him that, but most were simply good oratory skills. .
So for every advice not just relating to relationships, it is profitable to filter what is shared.
Not all that glitters is true. This is an old-age proverb but it still rings true today. Our world is filled with so many packaged realities that it’s sometimes difficult to know the truth. Coupled with the desire to show off on social media, we see people doing extreme things to belong.
These influencers/speakers are aware of this craving and they indulge in it. They create the illusion they want you to see, just to profit from your desires, and ohh profit they do. This man has written 6 books of which 3, talked about ”a cheater’s heart”. All 3 were sold out a month after they were published. He was invited to interviews and talk shows, he was given advert contracts, all based on the illusion he created, which was an honest black man happily married with kids.
I belong to the “God when” group I won’t deny, but I came to realize that there are situations behind the camera I do not know, so It’s safer not to pray to have them, I only God when desires and goals of my own. This is what you should do as well
Do what suits you. This isn’t solely for relationships but also for life in general. We know how our lives are, what are our needs, therefore we are the only ones who can decide what will suit us best.
I was reading the comment section on his IG coming clean video with his wife and a lady was sharing how hurt she was. She left her boyfriend at the time, based on the advice he had given in another video, Only to find out what he had said was wrong, and he may have been worse than her ex, which now hurts her deeply.
We can easily judge this lady, but a lot of people do this as well. These speakers won’t be called influencers if there isn’t anyone to influence. Some people take what they say religiously.
Do what suits your life, your needs, and your relationship. I personally only listen to advice that I believe in, but i also realize that sometimes they will say things i don’t agree with. In such a situation i scroll past. Relationship advise especially from social media should be taken with a pinch of salt, it is funny how people don’t do this.
You won’t allow a doctor who just graduated to operate on you if you had the choice, nor will you allow a chef to change the light fixtures in your home, yet people listen to anyone with little to no experience that shares advice.
This buttresses my first point, by filtering what you listen to or read you will be able to know what to accept and what to reject.
Communication. One of the problems we face today is our failure to communicate, again not just for relationships but generally as well. A lot of times we have needs and wants but find it difficult to communicate them. This creates a market for speakers and self-proclaimed gurus to suggest other ways to get what you want.
If you ask my loved ones, I’m not the best communicator of my wants, I either deny it or try to and solve it. instead of sharing. However, when I do talk, I either get it solved or I get more insights on how to achieve it. We thank God for constant growth in this area.
This also applies to all relationships, we want to know what the other is thinking, instead, we buy books, listen to podcasts that claim to tell us what our loved ones are thinking. 90% of the time they don’t get it right.
Sadly as long as people don’t communicate, there will always be a market for books in this area.
Take time to heal. Like i had previously said most self-proclaimed experts believe they are more knowledgeable. They then look for people who they can prey on and groom into believing this These are men and women who due to various traumatic experiences, do not see the best versions of themselves, leaving them open to be manipulated and exploited by these people.
Taking time to heal involves knowing that you have scars that need to be dealt with. Unfortunately, some scars are harder to deal with than others. Most will always be a part of your existence, but regardless taking the time to heal will protect you from such wolves with sweet words.
This healing won’t be instant, for most people like me it will be a daily journey. However, one positive reminder is that every day takes us closer to the best version of ourselves.
Purchasing books and paying for podcasts from manipulators will leave you worse than when you began. This is because they need you to be at your lowest to constantly need their content. So making you the best version of yourself, will not be on their plan.
Finally, this was not aimed to bash him, but to share what I re-learnt from this. I do hope he gets the help he needs and does not spiral out of control.
Don’t forget to comment, share and subscribe.